Borne back ceaselessly into the past

I wanted this year to be blog worthy.

I thought I would absolutely have a few minutes to spare each day to type down a short synopsis of my very exciting, exaggerating and dramatic life. But, I was wrong.

To my not so surprise, I have a severe lack of time on my hands. Or rather, time is something I really lack. But if you were to ask me, I wouldn't ask God to grant me more hours in a day or take away the number of things I have to do. But rather, I want to know how to do this the best way. Sometimes doing a lot makes me feel like I am putting in a lot of effort, but who am I kidding, I just do it because I have to do it.

I hate myself every time I am like this.

I'm not the kind of person that is driven by results, productivity, efficiency. Volition, intrinsic motivation- these scream Venessa more.

As I find myself and my emotions being tossed and turned like a viking ship, I don't want to be saying things like, " I can't do this. I wish the currents would cease."

No.

I will say, "I'm up for any challenge. BRING IT ON."

Cathay Platinum Movie Suites Experience

Since my mother seems to be a member of every shop possible in Singapore, she received a pair of complimentary Platinum Suite Movie tickets. Considering how she hasn't been to a cinema in a year, I gladly accepted them when she gave them to me. The funny thing is that it wasn't something to be collected. So I went there with the intention of collecting a voucher of some sort, but in the end I had to book the tickets there and then! Abby was there with me so naturally, she was dragged into it (more than willingly I daresay). 

So, we booked the tickets to LOTR the Hobbit:The Desolation of Smaug. I was so excited. Apparently, they don't show ALL movies for this experience. When I went to book the tickets, they were only screening Hobbit and 47 Ronin. 

We patronised the one at Cineleisure and so this is how it went. There is a dress code for this place, believe it or not. No slippers and no sleeveless tops. So Abby and I made an effort to look better, it was quite epic. 

So this is how it looks like from the outside which I have only walked past and never noticed. I mean, I never knew what was it for. 

Stepping inside, I handed them the tickets for them to check my receipt to see if I have made any food purchases. We had complimentary drinks that came with the voucher. We were ushered here to wait for the cinema to be ready. 

This guy came to watch LOTR on his own. Okay, he's not the main point of the picture, just look at how ATAS the place is. 

Look at how lovely the seats are. So comfy, they're so fluffy I almost died. Sorry peeps, pictures taken with an iPhone 5 so the quality in the dark is pretty bad. 

There's a lamp you can on and off (see that button there) and you can call for the waiter to come too! But we didn't even press it. Haha. The seats were all reclinable and the leg rests adjustable. 

Honestly, this was really a PLATINUM movie suite experience. For a three hour long movie, it was the most comfortable place to be! I feel like I have to watch three hour long movies like that every time. 

I'm still not sure if I would actually pay 30 bucks for this but it is an experience you'd want to try at least once :) 

Time with Abby is always so lovely. She's one of the best gift God has given to me in 2013. 

And I'm ever so grateful. 

OCS Social Night | AFST 93/13

22 December 2013, Sunday

I know many of you are excited to hear about my experience at the social night! I do hope that I remember the details that you all are interested in though *fingers crossed* 

1. How did I even get roped into this in the first place? 

Several weeks before, I received a text from my primary school classmate Javier. We were in the same class for five years in NCPS. Without fail though, he would wish me happy birthday every year up till now. This would also mean that we've known each other for 10 years already. To cut the long story short, he called me and asked if I would be free to attend his social night with him. I checked my schedule and it was available. I asked him why me and he said he didn't keep in touch with many girls. All his life he has been in a boy clique. He also said he remembers me as a good girl. (HAHA) So, I agreed. 

2. How did I prepare for it? 

Girls, before he asked me, I had no idea what a social night was. Rachel told me it was like an NS Prom which is actually the most accurate description for it. Of course, every social night varies. I know that there are some outdoor ones with BBQ and all. But the one I attended was formal with an eight course dinner. I didn't want to spend money so I made do with a dress that I've never worn due to the lack of formal events to attend. Make up was done by my mum which was very distressing for me. My hair was done by my hairstylist Edison for free :) [I will do an advertorial for my mum's salon soon, once I am done with my series of scalp treatment. So do keep a look out!]

3. The Moment

At 5:20pm, while my mum was still jabbing my eyes and trying to make me look worst than I already did, Javier whatsapped me, "Hey Venessa, I'm on my way over now, will let you know when I reach!"  And I was like, OH GOSH. Honestly, I looked fine after my mum did round one of make up for me. But as time passed, she just wanted to do more and more and oh boy, I just looked worse and worst. 

At 5:45pm, he then said "I've reached! Meet you at the void deck?" It was almost a fairytale moment (if we weren't friends haha). There he was, pacing at the void deck as I walked down the stairs. Out of nowhere, a bouquet of flowers were in his hands. It was a huge bouquet of flowers, so beautiful! I was so courteous, I wonder why. Maybe dressing up has feedback hypothesis too? 

He told me last week that his dad hasn't allowed him to drive alone before so I ruled out the possibility of him driving. It was either a cab or his dad chauffeuring us. Then, it was another surprise! He was driving! He was such a gentleman. He came over to open the door for me and made sure I sat first before he closed the door. 

The journey there was really fun. We talked about our jitters. He was so nervous and it made me so nervous. I was saying how he knew his entire Wing but I only knew him. It was a really fast ride to Orchid Country Club and oh boy, it was really a formal event. 

Upon entering the restaurant, we had to sign in. They then gave us tickets (which was a boarding pass, I thought that was so cute) and a gift (portable charger, so useful!). We were allocated to table 22 and I got to make friends with this girl, Jing Yi. Her boyfriend was one of the planners so she was mostly alone which made it easier to talk to her. 

The incredibly beautiful pink flowers that Javier got me. I was like, "I bet you got the aunty to choose for you. You don't look like the kind of guy that knows how to pick out flowers for a girl." And Javier went, "Yes, I asked for help." 

They had a Photo Booth which was really cool albeit awkward. I got to know another couple which was such a coincidence because they were both from NYP! A physiotherapist and a dental hygienist. We had so much to talk about and I was urging Javier to join in the conversation. He isn't one to make small talk. We were quite awkward taking the picture haha. 

 Took this picture in the middle of our eight course dinner. It was so awesome, the food was incredible. This is Javier Goh. The guy that I have sat next to throughout my primary school life. 

 Everyone from table 22. The guy next to Javier was the planner and he was really funny. He kept saying how he tasted the food and chose the menu for the day. He and Jing Yi are so cute together. 

They are grouped by flights? I don't think I understand this system yet. All I know is that they are Flight 1-4 and all of them performed one item. It was hilarious. Army guys are talented! So many of them sing so well, I was in awe! There were so many inspiring speeches. I felt so empowered and inspired by the speeches despite how cliche they are. 

"Tough times don't last but tough men do." 

"You don't stop when you're tired, you stop when you are done."

"Take every step courageously, no matter how painstaking. As long as you do that, you will definitely come out stronger." 

"Have faith. Everyday, talk to that self in the mirror and say this, 'You can do it. I have faith in you.' "

 Tell me, why are these ladies so pretty? They are both attached to their dates and they were spending the night asking me if I was interested in Javier. When people know that we were primary school friends, they would go "Aww, so cute. So nice." 

 The bouquet is really huge. Look at it! In comparison to my body and Jing Yi's bouquet! This girl opposite me was asking her date where's her flowers. I was so amused. 

 I really love this picture! Oh yeah, it's true that almost everyone wore black. When I first asked around what I should wear for social night, Claire told me that everyone wore black. I got to witness that first hand! 99% of the girls wore black! Strangely enough, at our table, the four of us weren't in black :) 

This was at the end of the event already. There was like prize presentation, lucky draw and best dressed which all passed real quickly! Javier was yawning halfway through the night because the very smart him only fell asleep at 5am and I was trying very hard to make him stay awake by talking to him. 

Last photo of the night. We left immediately after his Flight took a picture. He drove me home and we reminisced about our primary school days. I'm so glad it gradually got more and more comfortable talking to him. And it seemed like he too was more comfortable and less nervous as the night gradually ended. I reached home, safe and sound. 

 It was a very lovely experience. I don't regret going, despite of all the mixed emotions I felt initially. I kept thinking about what other people would think. How other people would feel. But, I did not go against my conscience. I was doing a favour to a friend, and I had the time of my life. 

Truly, something to add to my list of 'Nights to Remember'. 

A Pink Christmas

Friday the 20th 

The theme this Christmas was Pink! Believe it or not, we actually had a Pink Christmas tree. I have no idea how did I get roped into being part of the committee but I was! It was a good thing actually, so that I didn't have to play the games. I was still sickly and everything. Collecting money has never been my favourite thing to do but I did it anyway. 

I have made a discovery though. I have learnt how to appreciate the cuteness of the poly sisters. To be honest, I always thought that it was immature. (Sorry for judging) It turns out that I'm so envious that they are so simple. I want to be simple too. But I trust God for placing me through the tough times in my life because I know that it's what I had to go through to become the person I need to be. It was definitely a fun-filled night! 

I love Christmas Parties with my second family. It feels like home. 

Cafe Hopping // Pastry making

One of the randomest outing I have ever been to. Let's start with how I got to know them. Actually... Come to think of it, I never got to know them! 

Chia Joel: He followed me on Instagram and added me on Facebook all before we even knew each other. He then invited me to his birthday which I initially rejected due to the simple fact that I didn't know him. But then, after much thought, we would be cohort mates for the next 3 years so I figured, since he asked, I would go. 

Xiao Jie: I got to know her during Joel's birthday party. She was the only girl from her class and I was the only girl in my class that had nothing to do. So we got along pretty well with that in common. 

Both of them were acquainted during clinical attachment. Suddenly, we became a whatsapp group and hence, the birth of a first outing. 

Wednesday the 18th 

Stop One: Stranger's Reunion! 

The food was good. Considering how the food was flavourful despite me being sick, it's amazing. I love the place. It's so pretty :) 

Stop Two: Grin Affair

They sell Jar Cakes and only have six seats available in the cafe. They also sell merchandise like notebooks and pretty things :) We spent quite awhile there due to the rain and the lack of people. 

 The two flavours of jar cake we got: Strawberry and Chocolate. Strawberry wins hands down.
(Opinion from the baker in me: The chocolate one was pretty bad. The cake was dry. It didn't go well together with the fudge and other things added in the cake. I had a tough time eating it.)

We took pictures. It was epic. I got to sneak a peek into the affairs of other classes and of course, the both of them. The perks of being sick is I didn't need to talk much. I had such a difficult time smiling or showing any emotion at all because of my peeling nose and splitting lips. 

Stop Three: The Orange Thimble

The stew here is amazing! The ambience was so Christmassy but by the time I reached this place, I felt like I was dying. I could barely breathe and the rain didn't do much good to my lungs. 

Stop Four: Tiong Bahru Bakery
I love the croissant! And I saw Erin here, what a coincidence :)

I would say that it was a pretty amazing day! 

Thursday the 19th

Xiaojie came over to learn how to bake but too many things went wrong! I was so sick and I felt bad because I couldn't teach her properly. Nonetheless, I'm glad the day passed pretty quickly and smoothly because I was so sick :( I haven't been this sick in the longest time.

On a side note: Christmas is coming! :)

Insane Courage // Campus Retreat 2013

I can barely remember any details about the retreat right now but I will do my best to mention all the parts of it that are important to me.

Friday the 13th
School was insane and I only got down to packing at 8pm after my dinner with Javier at Hougang Mall. Thankfully it wasn't an awkward dinner since we haven't met in like...3 years or so? And he got to see all my indecisive sides as he tagged along with me as I shopped for retreat necessities.

I felt so dreadful. I honestly had no feel to go for retreat. It's the introvert in me. I just had a crazy semester and boom I am going to something socially tiring. Yes, I am selfish. Nonetheless, seeing the campus and going crazy over FROZEN was the highlight of my night.

The rest was a blur. I only remember that there was no one at the checkpoint. Everything flew by so quickly.

We took this picture while waiting for the bus, the flash was so bright and I was already so tired and that explains my eyes. 

Saturday the 14th 

Strangely enough, this retreat has allowed me to be very thankful for my height. Due to how vertically challenged I am, I had such a comfortable sleep! The chair wasn't too small for me to curl up into my foetal position. We alighted the bus at like 4am in the morning to wait for another bus to take us to the camp site. 

First breakfast at KL Sentral. We actually had Macdonalds, so fattening. But, it's the company that matters. Love my uni ministry so much <3 

Second Breakfast at the Campsite. The food was surprisingly good actually. I was so determined not to eat because I already had macs but I gave in anyway! 

We had a lesson by Wee Keong before we set off for our adventure: Jungle Trekking. 

When we were on the lorry, it really felt like we were going to be sold away. I love the lorry ride though, it felt like a roller coaster. I adore roller coasters! 

 We always need a before the torture picture. We're still so happy here even though we were about to face the terrors of wood and forestry. It was actually quite fun even though tedious. I had a terrible dejavu feeling. Memories of the Ipoh Caves last year resurfaced in my mind. Oh the horror.

And guess what! NO SURPRISE THAT I WAS CASUALTY NUMBER ONE! I scraped my knee over this huge tree trunk.

Check out my stylo-milo huge plaster. The craziest thing was that it wouldn't stop bleeding and we weren't even halfway through this thingy. (I realised that carrying my bag has made all my pictures look terrible)

With the loveliest Puay Yen. I'm so thankful for her being in my life this year, like especially thankful. And we were finally at the waterfall here! 

The Tham sisters were trying to fish. Honestly it was so painful to be stepping into the water due to all the crazy rocks but the cool temperature of the water was just magnificent. 

We had an amazing lunch, Spaghetti! Can you imagine? Spaghetti in the middle of a jungle. Yum yum. 

The way back down was much faster and much easier (except for the pain at my wound). The journey back on the lorry was again fun filled. You can't see my eyes. 

I can barely remember what happened after that. We finally could go to where we were staying which was an insane climb up the hill. My lungs were like going to explode but the place was soooooo beautiful. It looked like it came out of a tumblr picture. 

It was so funny because we were all settling down and we were exercising. Suddenly, the TV was on and the heirs was on air. WE WERE ALL FANGIRLING. The perks of living with a bunch of sisters :) We then had a lesson by Aunty Joyce then we went down for dinner. It was so dark and treacherous to go down but it was fun. Torch lights and all. 

We watched Tangled and seeing Lubin sing all the songs was so hilarious. I slept really well that night. 

Sunday the 15th

Survival skills today! I felt so energised from the good sleep I had! We were split up into groups just for today and it was interesting! We had an amazing lesson by Gin Kai too in the morning. 

 Just look at my super super awesome group. Joseph was so awkward with me but he certainly has been improving! We learnt how to make signs lest we get stranded in the jungle. Yes it's so likely we would get stranded in the jungle huh.

 Successful shelter making! :) Group 2 and Group 4! Apparently, the shelter is only made for tiny people.

 While we were waiting for the second activity of the day, we were talking about Disney movies! It was so funny and epic. Lubin does know so much. BUT HE DIDN'T WATCH MULAN. Terrible terrible.

 Our second activity of the day was fishing! I don't fancy fishing at all. So I just went around helping Paul take pictures of people and just disturbing people.

 The second fish we caught! The first one was caught by Joyce! Such a huge fish. It was so gross though but I just tried to be extra and joined in.

I slacked too much that day because I could feel myself falling sick. After dinner, we went back up to our house for d group and I was suffering. I had a good talk with Claudine though. We really bonded and I shared so much with her, far more than whatever we have talked about this whole year despite being in the same small group. God is good. The aunties in the house were all so paranoid and just drugged me with all sorts of medicine available. I knocked out immediately as soon as my head met my pillow.




Monday the 16th
Our last day there. I felt really sad. As much as this retreat was really chill, it felt good. It was exactly what I needed. To get my head clear, to prioritise what actually is important.

I told you! It's really beautiful isn't it! I totally didn't want to leave the place. Nature is indeed incredible apart from the creepy crawlies. God is amazing ;)

We took the scary durian path for the first time. We were supposed to avoid this path due how likely durians would fall in this season. However, with a bag that is 2/3 my size and considering this path is way easier to walk, I took my chances. 

Claire Chan Bun.

Angelo Tan. I'm so thankful that we actually talked during retreat. I'm so tired of being weird and awkward with people I used to be so close to. It's so tiring to stay away from people that I love. As much as we didn't talk much, a little is better than none at all. And I missed him, immensely. 

This was supposed to be an OT picture but chanbun photobombed. A nice picture nonetheless :) 

Jad. Our first retreat together since Bali. Prothumia doesn't count! 

The loveliest Aunty Joyce. 

Happy Birthday to my amazing childhood friend Samuel Tay Wei Ping. I cannot express how proud I am of him and how much he has grown and changed ever since I knew him in kindergarten. All the years of trying to reach out to him really did pay off and I am just thankful to God for opening his heart. 

I have concluded that this retreat indeed embodied its theme of insane courage. In every aspect. And thinking about it, I have had an insanely courageous year. 

How did I manage to hold on, despite everything that happened? Losing Tasmin to the world, Erin leaving, Angelo and Elliott mysteriously disappearing from my life. And many other people actually. Confessing sins to someone I barely knew. Facing closure. Being in occupational therapy. Having grandfather move into my place. Moving into campus. Much more. 

It then came through to me. I can do ALL things through God who gives me strength. People ask me, what makes you stay? My answer? It has always been about the relationship with God. Nothing else really played a part in my Christian life. 

For the first time in forever, I felt proud of myself. And I knew, God was proud of me too.